Blue Cow, Green Cow

 

Blue Cow, Green Cow

An operetta in one scene.

 

The songs in this children’s play may be made up by the children

or sung to tunes of songs that they already know.
The cow chorus in the version below sings verses from a song by
Carly Rae Jepsen, "Call Me Maybe." 
Any public performance of the play should acknowledge her song.
Contact http://www.carlyraemusic.com/ 

You can add as many cows to the chorus as you want if you need more characters, and you
can make the speaking cows daughters instead of sons, or a daughter and a son.

Also note that you don’t need a narrator if you act out this short play.

What the narrator reads can be converted into stage directions.

 Lin Haire-Sargeant is the director for the drama camp "Growing Drama on the Farm"
at Holly Hill Farm in Cohasset, MA.
Emma Needles is the assistant teacher
Many thanks to Lin Haire-Sargeant and to the children at the drama camp
who helped develop this play.
 

 

Characters:

Narrator (optional)

Lynn, a worried mother
Anna, her sister
Andre, the elder son, or else Andrea, the elder daughter
Peter, the younger son, or else Petunia, the younger daughter
Doctor Art, a veterinarian
Receptionist, a Ms. Dolce who is also Doctor Art’s nurse.
Neighbor
Chorus of cows

 

Set: A veterinarian's office in a small town.  It has a small waiting area and a larger examining room. In the waiting room, there is a large plant.  In the examining room, there is an examining table and an open window.  Just outside the open window is a herd of real cows who moo in camaraderie and joy with the children.

Time: Now.

 

Lynn and Anna pantomime while the narrator speaks.

Narrator:  Anna and her sister Lynn are at the door to a veterinarian’s office. They are struggling with each other. Lynn pulls Anna away from the door; Anna pulls Lynn back to the door. Lynn is both angry and pleading as she tries to prevent Anna from knocking on the door.  Two [or more] young boys [or girls] are with them, not paying much attention to the commotion. The children are down on all fours.

Lynn: Anna! Listen to me!  We shouldn’t be here with these boys!  Not here!

Anna: I’m their mother and I know what I must do about my sons!

Narrator: Finally Anna manages to knock firmly on the door.  A receptionist opens the door.

Receptionist: Why, hello, Ms. Sargeant, hello, Ms. Meadows.  What can I do for you?

Lynn: We need help!  Anna is . . . well, acting crazy!  Talk some sense into her! Tell her we shouldn’t be here.

Receptionist [sits down, writes in a notebook]:  Anna Meadows is acting crazy, and shouldn’t be here. And? [Looks up for more information].

Anna: No, no, we need to see the vet.  We need to see the vet now.  My boys, Andre and Peter, are both sick!  Look at them!

Narrator: Under the general chaos, the children moo and talk to each other in gravelly, cow-like voices. 

Peter [to Andre]: Want to go to the moo-vies tonight?

Andre: Moo.  Mooby.

Narrator:  Then they relax into positions as close to the way cows lie in a field as they can get.  Peter, the younger one, starts to nibble at a plant he finds on the floor near him.

Lynn:  Anna, you said “Vet.”  Now they know they’re at the vet. You have just made everything worse!  You'll convince them that they're . . .  well, animals!

[To the receptionist]  I’ve been trying to tell her . . .

Receptionist [nervous about her plant]: Peter, now don’t nibble on that begonia, please.  It’s rather special to me.

Peter: But it's a moo-viaolis, my favorite!

Receptionist: It's a begonia! [She tries to move it away from Peter but he crawls after it. Anna takes over for her.]

Narrator: Anna tries to pull her son Peter away from the plant he seems determined to nibble.

Anna:  This is an emergency!  Oh, Andre!  Peter! Oh, oh, oh . . . boys!

Receptionist [returns to her desk to write in her notebook]: Emergency visit for boys.   Please, ladies!  Boys! I’ll call Doctor Art.  Sit down, please, in the waiting room.  Try to relax. The vet will be right with you.

Narrator: The Receptionist, quite nervous by now about her plant, exits to find Doctor Art.  Doctor Art enters the waiting room.

Doctor Art: Hello, my friends!  How are you?  Step this way [leads them all into an examining room. The boys walk on all fours, then lie back down on the floor of the examining room.] Oh, and what have we here?  Why, hello, boys.  Are you comfortable down there? What seems to be the problem?

Anna:  Doctor Art!  My boys, they are really sick.  They have chills and fever.  And they aren’t sleeping.    But that’s not the worst of it . . .

Doctor Art: . . . Oh, I’m sorry to hear this.  Tell me more.

Lynn: It’s true.   And they’re exhausted all the time, and even vomiting.  [Desperately] But listen; they really don’t need to see a vet . . .

Doctor Art: . . . When did these symptoms begin?

Anna: Just a few nights ago.

Doctor Art: [to Andre] Let me take a look here.

Lynn:  This is going too far . . .   

Narrator: Andre remains on the floor, but stretches out his arms and legs for the doctor to examine.

Anna: No, no! Andre! He means for you to get on the examining table, not stay on the floor!  O, O, O!

Doctor Art:  Don’t worry.  I can see what I need to see. Have they been eating? Eating well?

Anna: They've eaten all the houseplants!  And they’re eating grass!

Doctor Art: That could explain the vomiting . . .

 
Anna [to Lynn]: . . . I told you Doctor Art would know what to do . .  .

Doctor Art . . . if it’s the wrong kind of grass for cows.  Hum . . .

Lynn:  Ohhhhhhh!

Narrator: Suddenly, someone knocks loudly at the door before rushing into the examining room. She is quite disturbed.

Receptionist: Madam, madam!  Please!  Wait.  Doctor Art is busy! 

Narrator:  Meanwhile, the receptionist hides her plant.

Neighbor: Anna!  Your boys came into my garden this morning and ate my vegetables!  Andre ate my young potatoes, and Peter ate all my melons!  All of them!  Then they pulled up the other vegetables looking for more melons!

Andre: I love potatoes.  Moo.

Peter: I love melons. Moo.

Doctor Art:  Humm.  Cows don’t usually eat hum . . . This could be serious.  Have either of you had diarrhea?  [He checks their rear ends]  No, doesn’t seem so.

Lynn: Sister! Listen to me!  We must take them to Doctor Daniels . . .   

Doctor Art [to himself]: What color is his tongue? [To Andre] Say aaah.

Andre: [opens his mouth] Moo!

Peter: Moo, moo, moo.  Wait until you see my tongue.  Moo.

Doctor Art:  I’ll get to you in a moment, Peter.  Be patient.

Anna: They think they’re cows! They don’t stop bellowing, night and day. Do you hear them? Bellow, bellow, bellow. . . all they do is bellow like that.  And vomit grass!  What ordinary doctor can deal with such a problem? 

Doctor Art: Looks like a slight case of flambosis.  Now let’s check Peter’s tongue.

Peter: [thinking about it]  Too late.  No need to check.  Today I am blue.  Moo.

Narrator: The Cow Chorus which is slowly gathering at the open window moos in approval.

Anna: Blue.  Blue today, yellow yesterday.

Andre: Today I am green.  Moo.

[Overlapping]

[Lynn: Oh, no!  Doctor Art, look at them.  Peter is not blue .  . . 

Doctor Art.  Blue.  Not brown. Hum . . . . This is grave.  Cows must be brown.  [He checks by glancing at the chorus out the window.]  Yes, brown . . .

Lynn: . . . and Andre is not green.  Oh, oh, [turning to the receptionist and the neighbor] Help us, friends!

Doctor Art: Or black and white.  Or sometimes reddish.  But blue?  And green? Hum . . .

Anna: Lynn, hush!  Let the doctor do his work! . . .

Lynn: They are not cows.  Doctor Daniels, on the other hand . . . .

Doctor Art [to the receptionist]: I fear I must operate.  These cows are really sick. Miss Dolce. Please put on your nurse’s cap and prepare for an operation.  Two, actually.]

End of overlapping.

Narrator: The receptionist slips away from the scene.

Boys’ duet [Their aria is punctuated with bellows, when each singer feels the urge; the real cows who have gathered into quite a crowd, or herd, outside moo back in response]:

Andre: It’s better to be a cow, ah much better!  Moo!

Peter: We never do chores.  We'd just get in the way.

Andre: We don’t go to school.  A cow knows its needs.

Peter: We moo all the time, and munch on hay seeds. 

Andre, Peter: A life of freedom for me! Moo!  

[Back to cow-like talking] Over the moon!!

Peter: Yeah!  Let’s jump over the moon!

Anna: Oh, no, not the moon.  Oh, what if they try?

Lynn: THEY WON’T TRY!

Anna’s aria: Oh, my sons.  I’m so concerned.  I’m so afraid! I am consumed with fear for my little boys.  Doctor Art is a good doctor; I put you in his hands. [Sung quickly; different tune]  But . . . I’m so afraid.  I’m so concerned.  Oh, my little boys.  I have taken care of you, I have cooked food for you, I have carefully washed your clothes.  I have loved you!  But you want more, want what I can’t give.  I have loved you . . . And now . . .  THIS!

Lynn’s aria:  My sister, don’t lost courage. Don’t lose hope. Just listen to one who cares for you. 

Doctor Art will do no harm, I hope, and tomorrow we will go to another. 

Dr. Daniels will know what to do with these boys. 

We’ve tried your remedy; tomorrow we try mine.  You’ll see. All will be well.

Just don’t lose hope; don’t lose courage.

Narrator: The receptionist returns with a nurse’s cap on.  The receptionist/nurse and the neighbor sing, alternating lines, arm in arm and swaying. The boys moo to the tune, jubilantly:

Neighbor: Cheer up, my friends.  Doctor Art is an excellent

veterinarian.

Receptionist: I’ve known him for years. I’ve worked with him for years.

Neighbor: I trust my animals to him.  I tell everyone about him, everyone

in town.

Receptionist: Take courage, my friends.  Doctor Art is an excellent . . .

Both: . . . veterinarian.

Narrator: The Cow Chorus moos its approval.  The boys moo softly in the background. The sisters watch Doctor Art, hopefully; all sway as he sings.

Doctor Art sings: I do not dare let on how bad this is, these women are distraught.

Never have I seen two cows so sick as these poor, wretched boys. 

A cow that’s green? A cow that’s blue? A dire predicament for sure!

It’s clear that I must operate. Yes, it’s clear what I must do.

Doctor Art [To himself, turned slightly away from the others.] 

Will I succeed? This is a rare and difficult procedure.

And will it cure these boys?  Oh, I’m so full of doubt . . .

Should I fail, the boys will be blue and green forever! 

Or worse!  Or worse! They may die!  I couldn’t bear it!
 

Narrator:  Doctor Art walks to an open window and stares at the Cow Chorus, thinking. The mooing starts to build to a crescendo. The receptionist and the neighbor sing again.

Receptionist: Doctor Art!  You have never lost a cow!!  Through  tortured and arduous operations, you have never lost a cow.
Doctor Art:  That's true.  That's very true, oh, so true.
Neighbor:  Oh, yes, it's true!  You have saved at least a  hundred cows!  I'll vouch for that.

Narrator: The Cow Chorus moos its approval. looking at each other and nodding as if to say, "Yes, he knows what he's doing."

Doctor Art: My duty lies before me.  I have to do it, I’m called to do it.
I've never lost a cow!
Receptionist, Neighbor: He has never lost a cow!

Doctor Art: I must change the blue to brown, the green back to black and white!
I've never lost a cow!
Receptionist, Neighbor: He has never lost a cow!

Doctor Art: Though should I fail, the boys will be blue and green forever! 

Or worse!  Or worse! They may die!  I couldn’t bear it!

Narrator: The boys’ and the Cow Chorus's mooing gradually becomes louder and triumphant as Doctor Art becomes more confident.

Doctor Art: But I’ll not fail!  I have never lost a cow!  I will not lose these boys!  Let the trial begin!   I can do it!

[Talking to the Receptionist, now a Nurse]

Nurse Dolce!  Prepare!  First give me my largest scalpel, the sharpest, sharpest one . . .

Narrator:  She produces a huge scalpel from her receptionist’s outfit.  Anna screams.  Lynn falls back onto the examining table, huddles into a fetal position, crying oh, oh, oh!

 The boys are still mooing with joy but then they see the knife, a little after everyone else does.  

Andre looks at Peter. They slowly stop mooing. Andre clears his cow’s throat loudly and awkwardly, then sings. His singing sounds more human after the first line or so:

André: I am sorry, Mama.  I am sorry, Auntie Lynn.  Perhaps I am not really a cow. 

I’d love to play football, I want to eat steak! I’m feeling much better now!

Oh, Mama! It’s good to be a boy. And Peter agrees with me, too.

[He kicks his brother like a cow would do, with his back leg.]

We like being boys.  We love being boys. We’re ready to go home with you.

Yes, we’d love to go home with you!

Anna and Lynn overjoyed, arms around first the boys, then each other. Alternating lines, they sing:

Anna: O, my sons!  My beautiful sons!

Lynn: O, my nephews!  Sweet boys of ours!

Anna: How happy I am! You’re back to yourselves!

Lynn: No more of that mooing and mooning. . .

Anna, Lynn:  And we’re happy as we were before . . .

Narrator: Suddenly, the herd of cows approaches the open window and sings to the boys.  Everyone joins in the chorus:

Cow Chorus: Hey, I just met you.  And this is crazy.  But here's my number.  So call me, baby!
Everyone: Hey, I just met you.  And this is crazy.  But here's my number.  So call me, baby!
Cow Chorus: It's hard to look right at you, baby, but here's my number.  So call me, baby!
Everyone: Hey, I just met you.  And this is crazy.  But here's my number.  So call me, baby!
Cow Chorus:  And all the other boys try to chase me.  But here's my number.  So call me, baby!
Everyone: Hey, I just met you.  And this is crazy.  But here's my number.  So call me, baby!

Narrator: At the last minute, Peter turns and jumps out the window and runs . . . and

There are looks of fear and consternation on everyone’s face!

Anna: Nooooooo!   [Collapses on the floor.]

Doctor Art:  Wait! Come back!

 

 

The end.