Let's Grow! A play for as many characters as you have. Teachers: please include as much as you want about plants.

Let’s Grow!

By Rebecca Saunders

And members of the Holly Hill Farm players

(With special thanks to Liz Adams, David Mulei, and, of course, Lin Haire-Sargeant.)

Dedicated to Jonny Belber

Farmer, teacher, and an inspiration to us all.

Let’s Grow!

Characters

Jonny, age 40-ish

Cleo, age 14, Jonny’s daughter

Nadia, age 12, Jonny’s daughter

Nonny, Jonny’s mother-in-law, grandmother of Cleo and Nadia

Lucy, age 8

Sam, age 6

Anna, any age past 22. A farmer and assistant to Jonny.  She always carries a large tote bag      where she stores cups, water bottles, scarves.  Rather owlish, perhaps with large dark-   rimmed glasses.

Alice, Lucy’s mother

Marie, Sam’s mother

Thomas, Sam’s father

Michael, the school bus driver

Town manager

First arguing man

Second arguing man

First fireman, Bill

Second fireman, Frank

Time: The present: January, then March-April

Place: A small town. A farm (Holly Hill Farm); in the fields above ground and below ground; a fire station with a patch of wasteland beside it. A town meeting. Nonny’s kitchen. The fire station grounds.

[All characters seated.  Cleo goes to center stage before the curtain in a single spotlight and recites]

Cleo:  There once was a farmer called Jonny,

Who sang “Hey, nonny, nonny” all day.

He farmed with a passion

and taught kids in his fashion

how to be green all the way.

Scene I

[Cleo exits and sits down. The children, Jonny, and Anna are seated.  This scene is in the living rooms of two separate houses but with an invisible wall between them.  The characters pace around their living rooms, reading a permission letter.  They cross each other but they don’t see each other.]

[Simultaneously]

Alice: “Dear Parents of Lucy.” / Marie [reading to Thomas, her husband]: “Dear Parents of Sam.”

Marie: “We would like your permission for Sam to be allowed to go on a special field trip organized by Farmers Jonny Belber and Anna Williams.  Mr. Belber, as some of you know, is the Education Director at Holly Hill Farms and  . . .”

Thomas:  Oh, yes.  Jonny’s the farmer who goes to different schools and helps the children plant gardens. I know him.

Alice: “We will be going underground twice a week to observe firsthand the development of plants, beginning in March.”   Hum.  Sounds interesting.

Marie: “The children will be turned into seeds so that they can inhabit the plants they are studying from the hours of 3:00-5:30 p.m. on Tuesdays and Fridays, beginning March 14 and continuing until April 28.”

Alice: “They will gain valuable knowledge with first-hand experience of growing plants.  There will be no need to pack an after-school snack.  Because they will start out as seeds and will be in fertile ground, they will have plenty to eat.”

Thomas:  Sounds good.

Marie: “Your child will be turned back into him/herself by 5:30 p.m.  Please arrange to pick up him/her by 6:00 p.m. at the barn at Holly Hill Farm.  As a precaution, no peanuts or peanut products allowed.”

Thomas:  That’s odd. I wonder why they don’t allow peanuts. 

Marie: Well, Sam doesn’t much like them anyway.

[Simultaneously]

Alice/Marie: “Please sign below and return this form to Mr. Belber by Friday, February 10.”

Marie: What do you think, hon?

[Simultaneously]

Alice/Thomas: Sure. Where do I sign? 

[They sign the forms.]

[Parents exit and sit down.]

Scene II

[In front of the barn at Holly Hill Farm.  Jonny and Anna are surrounded by the children.]

Jonny: Great!  It looks like everyone can go. Anna has a packet of seeds for each of you to plant before you go underground. That way, you can do some planting as well as becoming a plant yourself!

Nadia:  Kind of two-for-one, huh, Dad?

Anna: [Hands out packets from her sack.]  Here you are.  Make sure you only take one packet, so there will be enough for everybody.

Cleo:  Are they all lettuce seeds?

Jonny:  These are.  But Anna has some flower seeds. 

Nadia:  You always plant lettuce seeds.  You even talked the firemen at the firehouse into planting lettuce!

Jonny:  Don’t you like baby lettuce on your hamburgers?  Besides, there is plenty of space around the firehouse.

[Each child chooses a line and says it simultaneously with the others]

All:  Oh, yeah. / I do! / Me, too! / Relish! / Mustard!   . . . .

Nadia: Mustard?  Naw. Ketchup . . .

Lucy:  On a hamburger??? You’re crazy!

Sam:  Can we go down and watch the lettuce grow?  [Sam starts digging a hole.]

Jonny: Sure, but don’t dig now, Sam!  We have a plan for everyone to go underground.  If the plan works, you’ll become a plant!  How would you like that?

Lucy: Become a plant?!  You’re awesome, Jonny!

Jonny: First, we’re going to the fields of Holly Hill Farm and be real farmers!  Nonny, I mean my mother-in-law, has prepared the method for going underground . . . she has created a special concoction for you. I have been trying it out and it works.

Nadia:  Ha, ha!  You just called my grandma “Nonny”!  That’s what I call her!  So how can she be your Nonny? That would make us, let’s see, cousins?

Jonny: Well, your mother-in-law is my Nonny . . . no, no, no, I mean, my mother-in-law is your Nonny . . . I mean . . . right?

Cleo:  It’s a confusing world, isn’t it, Dad?

Jonny:  Anyway, my mother-in-law, Cleo and Nadia’s grandmother Nonny, has prepared a drink for going underground and letting us join in with the plants’ roots.  Oh!  I almost forgot.  She hasn’t quite perfected it yet.

Cleo: Meaning?

Jonny:  We’re positive that you’ll all end up back as yourselves.   I just need to warn you that we can easily go down underground but I can’t always tell where we’ll be when we come back up. 

Cleo:  Oh, cool!  You mean we could end up in Spain?  I’ve always wanted to go to Spain . . .

Jonny: Oh, no, not that far.  At least, I haven’t gone that far yet.  I usually pop up somewhere near here.  You know, Scituate, Hull, Cohasset . . . [to himself] even the fire station, for some odd reason.

Sam:  The fire station!  The fire station!   Oh, boy!  Can I ride in a fire truck?

Anna: Uh, maybe not today, Sam.  Do you all know your parents’ cell phone numbers just in case they have to come and get you?

All kids: Yes, Anna.

Sam [singsong voice]:  I’m gonna grow in a fire station!

Jonny: OK!  Here comes Michael with the bus to take us down into the fields.  Everyone gather round and let’s get started.  Before you get on the bus, please have some of this drink.

Anna [pours the concoction into paper cups.  She hands them out.]:  Everybody, take only one cup.  Don’t take more than your share.

Jonny: My mother-in-law, Nonny . . .

Cleo:  . . . Very good, Dad.  You got it right.

Jonny: . . . guarantees that you will turn into a seed within, oh, say about a half an hour, maybe forty-five minutes.  That will give us time to get to the field and for you to plant your lettuce or flower seeds.

Jonny [takes the first sip]:  Hum.  Needs more salt.  Not bad overall.

[Each child drinks the mixture.]

Nadia:  Pretty tasty.

Cleo:  It tastes like Nonny’s soup.  Well, no wonder.  She invented it, after all.

Sam:  Umm.  It’s good! I hope she has patented it.  My dad says . . .

Jonny: . . . I’ll speak to her about that.

Lucy:  What would happen if we all turned into seeds while we’re still on the bus?

Sam: Nooo. What about the Fire station . . .

Anna: Oh, no! What if one of you falls on the floor!  Or worse!  Into a crack in the seat of that old bus!  Oh, my! Oh, my!

Lucy: If I turn into a seed and fall in a crack while we’re still on the bus, I’ll just yell REALLY LOUD!  You’ll hear me and pick me up.  Simple.

Anna:  Good idea, Lucy. You’ve just put my mind at ease.

Jonny: We have plenty of time, if we all get on the bus in an organized way, one by one. [The kids try to pile on the bus at the same time.] 

Michael: Is everybody ready?  Hang onto your hats, kids!  It’s a pretty muddy road up ahead!

Lucy: Hats?  You never said anything about a bringing a hat . . .

Sam:  Real farmers wear straw hats!

Jonny:  You’re right, Sam. I forgot about hats. Everybody put on your pretend hat.

[Everyone puts on their pretend straw hat. Michael leads the children in a circle around the room to signify the bus trip. The children pantomime riding on a rut-filled, muddy road while, grabbing on to each other for support, trying to hold onto imaginary hats, and laughing.]

Michael [sings to the tune of “A hunting we will go…”]: “A farming we will go / A farming we will go /  Hi, ho, the Derry O, the farmers’ life for me!”  Well, here we are. [He lurches to a stop and everyone nearly falls over.]

Jonny: Okay!  Everyone off the bus. Walk over there to the patch where the farmers plowed the soil yesterday.  Notice the lumps of soil in a line. That’s because it’s been plowed over.

Cleo:  Is this where we’re going to plant our seeds? I mean, ourselves?

Jonny: Yes. Remember to plant each seed at least six inches apart.  Make sure they don’t touch each other.  Do like this. [He starts to dig a hole.]  Oh!  What’s this now?  [He holds up a wiggling earthworm.]

Kids:  Ew! That’s an earthworm! 

Jonny [brings it up to his mouth]: An earthworm, huh. Looks good! I think I’ll eat it.

Lucy:  Jonny, no!  You don’t eat earthworms. 

Nadia:  Dad, don’t do it!!!

Jonny:  Ok, ok, keep your hats on.  What’s it for then?

Lucy [to Cleo]: Your father is so gross. 

Jonny:  Maybe I’ll be an earthworm today.  Who can tell me what earthworms are for?

Nadia [reciting something she has memorized for school while she digs]: They eat bacteria that are not good for seeds.  They break down organic matter, like leaves and grass, into things that plants can use.  When they eat, they leave behind, um, castings, I think, that are a very valuable type of fertilizer.

Jonny:  Earthworms are like free farm help. 

Nadia [Pause, puzzled]: Are castings what I think they are?  Uh, oh.

Jonny:  Yep.

Lucy:  Poop?

Everyone: POOP!!!  POOP????  Earthworm poop?

Cleo:  Earthworms are going to POOP right here???  Where we are?

Lucy:  I don’t want earthworm poop on me and that’s that!

Jonny:  Well, the poop, I mean the castings, are not exactly on you. They end up in the soil around you.  Earthworms move about in the soil. They won’t get that close to you, but you could run into a few.  But, kids, think about it.  Most good fertilizer is poop.  Think of it as recycling.

Cleo:  Oh. OK. [Thoughtful.] That makes sense.  I guess . . .

Lucy: If you say so . . .

Jonny:  Anyway, I’m going to be an earthworm today so that I can wiggle around and keep an eye on everybody.  But remember:  farmers need earthworms.

Cleo: I’m taking this one on trust, Dad.

Sam: I found one!  [Picks it up.]  Should I eat it for my plant?

Everyone: NO!

Nadia: Oh, Sam . . .

Jonny:  No, Sam, just carefully put it back.  Let it do its own work.

[The children get to work planting their seeds. The digging takes a few minutes.

Then suddenly. . . ] 

Nadia [laughs nervously as she shrinks a little.  Then she slides down into the hole she has just made.]: Whoa!  It’s slippery!  Hey, I’ve planted myself!  Bye! [Underground she takes the shape of a seed.]

Jonny:  Good. It’s working. [Shouts down the hole] See you in a few minutes, Nadia!

Cleo:  Lucy, are you ready?  Let’s slide down together.  This is fun!  [They hold hands and slide down.]

Sam: What’s it like down there? I don’t think I want to go . . .

Cleo:  It’s nice and warm.  C’mon down.  It’s an adventure!

Sam: I like adventures!  Here I come.  Somebody catch me?

Cleo [laughs]:  That always gets him.   Tell him it’s an adventure and he’ll do anything.

Sam:  Somebody catch me!  [He starts to slide but clings to the earth around the hole.]

Lucy:  I’ve got you!  By your knees.

Jonny: Here I come! [Jonny slides down.]

Kids [simultaneously, each taking a line]: An earthworm!  You’re an earthworm.

Sam: [looks around.]  Do you see anything that might eat a seed?

Jonny:  I’ll protect you from anything that might nibble at a seed.  And Anna is still above ground.  She is pretending to be a scarecrow to make sure no birds show up.  But remember to dig yourself in deep enough so that a bird won’t find you. [To Anna] Hey, Anna, see any birds up there?

Anna [She does a kind of scarf dance, rhythmically waving her scarves.]:  They won’t dare come near me!  A woo, woo, woo! A woo, woo, woo! Ha, ha.

Jonny [to the kids]: OK.  Since you’re all seeds now, can you feel your outer coating?  It’s sort of a shell around you.  You’re a little like an egg.

[Each child pantomimes feeling the casing around them as though they were in a seed-shaped bubble.  They create different sizes and shapes, according to taste.]

Sam:  I’m a little round seed.  [Makes himself as small as he can.]

Cleo: I’m a big seed, a sunflower seed!

Jonny: Hey kids!  What do you think is in the seed with you? [He takes a bite of one of the lettuce seeds.] Umm. Tastes good. 

All:  Food!  Let’s eat! 

[All pantomime scooping and eating the contents of their seed casing.]

Nadia:  Umm.  It tastes like whipped cream.

Lucy: Mine tastes like honey!

Jonny:  Protein!  I’ve always loved the smell of earth.  It tastes like it smells, like beets.

Lucy [to Cleo]: He doesn’t eat soil, does he? 

Cleo: Only when he thinks he’s an earthworm.

Nadia [slowly extends her leg]:  Something’s happening to me.  I feel something pulling at me. It’s so gentle.

Jonny [he wiggles over to her]:  What happens to your body when you eat?

All:  You grow!  [Slowly everyone pantomimes growing one small root.]

Cleo:  Are we growing roots? I don’t feel anything yet.  And I can’t see what the seeds around me are doing.

Jonny: You’re a big seed.  Got a lot to eat there.  Then you too will start to grow.

Sam:  Are you going to grow a root too, Jonny?

Jonny:  No, earthworms like me don’t need roots.  I move around so that I can help make more air in the earth and water for you to have room to grow.

Sam: I’ve eaten up my seed and now I can see everyone’s roots. [Big gesture pointing to the audience.]  What are all those other roots doing there?

Jonny:  They’re from the seeds you planted before you changed into seeds.  They just got a little bit of a head start.

Sam:  They look a little stiff to be roots.  [To audience.] Hey, all of you roots!  You better wiggle a little or you won’t grow very big.  Watch me.  [He shrinks and stretches, shrinks and stretches.]  Now do like me!  This is what roots do. See?  Do like this.  [Audience imitates him.]  That’s better. That’s pretty good.  There’s hope for you.

Anna [shouts down into the ground]:  OK, everyone, it’s time to come back up.  You first, Sam.  [One by one, she helps the children back up through their holes.]  Next time I’m going down with you, to show you how weeds work.  And here comes Michael with the bus to take you back to the parking lot.

All:  That was fun! [They all pile into the bus.]

Michael:  Did you have a good time?  I wish I could go.  Ok, hang onto your hats! [Sings]

“Day is done / gone the sun / from the lake, from the hills, from the sky”

Everyone [joins the singing, hanging on with all their might]: “All is well / safely rest  . . .” [Michael lurches the bus to a halt in the Holly Hill parking lot. The kids jump out of the bus.]

Jonny/Anna [Simultaneously]: Whew!  It worked.

Jonny: I knew it would.

Anna: Nonny will be so pleased!

Scene III

The second trip underground.

[The children, Jonny, and also Anna are all underground.  The children gradually grow roots with their legs and stalks with their arms. All this activity goes on for a minute or so, continuing through the next few lines. The children can make what they do into a kind of dance, if they want to.  Or they may send out roots and shoots abruptly, according to taste.  After a while . .  .]

Anna [Comes up first; looks around; alarmed]:  Uh, oh. [Calls down a hole to Jonny.] We’re not at the farm.

Jonny [sticks his head up out of the ground and looks around.  Big sigh]:  I was afraid of this.  Most likely we’re in that deserted lot next to the fire station . . . I’ve come up here before.

Anna:  Yes, I see the station. I’d better call Michael. He’ll have to hurry. [Digs in her bag for her cell phone.]

Jonny:  Don’t worry.  We’ll get them back to the farm in time. It’s not far. [To the kids, who slowly stop their growing.]  Everybody ready for the surface?   Remember I told you that we won’t always come up where we went down and, sure enough, we’re next to the fire station. 

Anna: Look!  Here comes Fireman Bill. Hello, Bill!  How’s it going? [Shouts down into the ground]. Don’t worry, kids, it’s OK.  But hurry, we don’t want to keep your parents waiting.

[Jonny and Anna help all the children up to the surface.]

Fireman Bill: Hey, kids.  What’re you all doing here? Hey, Jonny!  Have you come to check on my lettuce?  It’s not doing too well.

Jonny: Hey, Bill. I come and take a look at it tomorrow.

Kids [simultaneously]:  Where are we? / This isn’t the farm. / I’ve never been here before. / Look, there’s the fire station!

Fireman Bill: Yep. This is our fire station, all right.

Sam: Oh, cool!  Can I ride in your truck?

Fireman Bill: Well, we don’t happen to have any fires going on right now, but . . .

Lucy:  I guess seeds grow where they want to grow. But I didn’t grow very much today.

Jonny:  Let’s do a headcount.  And here comes Michael.

Michael [screeches the bus around a corner and stops at the fire station.]  Hurry up, kids!  Parents are waiting! Hurry, get on! [The kids scramble onto the bus.]

Jonny: We won’t be very late.

Michael: I don’t know. Some of the parents are mighty impatient!  [Sings]: “Round, round, get around / I get around, yeah, / Get around, ooh, ooh / I get around. / I get around”

[The kids pantomime a fast drive back to the farm, try to sing with Michael, then hurry off the bus.]

Parents [Overlapping]:  Why are you so late today? / What was it like? / Was it fun?

Kids [overlapping]:  I was a sunflower seed. / I was a small mustard seed. / I grew a root AND a branch!

Thomas [distracted, looking at his cell phone]: A branch?  Like a tree?  C’mon, let’s get a move on. . 

Sam: No, like a stalk, right Jonny?  I’m not a tree!

Alice:  What did you think, girls?

Lucy: I love it! The ground was cool and soft. I want to be a plant!

Nadia:  Ma, I don’t feel so good.

Scene IV

[Two weeks later]

Anna:   Jonny, why are some of the kids feeling sick after we go underground?

Jonny:  They don’t feel sick for long.  It’s a new experience for them.  Probably made a few of them dizzy.  Here they come.  Everybody ready?

Kids: Yeah, let’s go. 

Jonny:  Anybody feeling sick?  Dizzy?  Nadia?

Nadia:  I only felt sick for a little while.  I feel fine.

Lucy: I think I’m going to flower today!  I almost did last time.

Cleo:  I wish I could flower.  [Sigh.]  Sunflowers take such a long time.

Sam:  But they’re worth it. Just think. You’ll be bigger than all of us.  You’re almost up out of the ground.

Lucy: Jonny, you know when we end up near the fire station instead of the farm?  There aren’t so many plants there. 

Cleo:  Yeah, and Fireman Bill’s lettuce looks, well, terrible.  Don’t tell him I said so.

Lucy: But when we come back here to the farm, everything looks beautiful. Why?  We come up and look around at so many beautiful flowers among the baby lettuce . . .

Jonny:  Good question, Lucy.  I’m not sure yet.  For one thing, the ground near the fire station was not prepared like the land here at the farm.  In fact, no one has cared for that land in a long time.  [Aside to Anna] I wish Nonny could figure out a way to make us come back here and not that deserted lot.  It’s depressing.  Who owns that lot, anyway?

Anna: I don’t know.  Lucy’s right. It is a bit blighted here.  And that’s not the worst of it . . . we end up making the parents wait!

Jonny: I know, I know.  I don’t think they really mind that their kid is late for, well, for whatever she has next on her schedule.  At least the parents are getting to know each other.

Anna:  Ok, everybody!  Ready to slide?

Cleo:  Oh!  Down we go!

[All slide down underground and begin pantomiming various stages of growing.  By now, some of their arms and even a head or two sticks up out of the ground.  The plants are growing.]

Sam [pantomimes a bulging shoot about to flower and pulled towards the direction of the sun]:

I’m being pulled by something.  Jonny, can you hear me?

Jonny [as earthworm]:  Yes, and I can feel the pull, too! It’s the sun.  As I’m an earthworm, I think I’ll go in the opposite direction.  Earth worms don’t like sun.  But you’re leaning toward the sun. That’s good: you need the light.  [He slithers away quickly.]

Cleo: Why can’t I bloom?  Other sunflowers are starting to bloom.  I’m getting nowhere.  But I feel something in my legs.

Anna [stretching high, even up out of the ground]:  Well, Cleo, today I’m a vine-like weed, and I can see a bud forming on your stalk, way high up.

Cleo:  Oh, cool!  At last!

Lucy: Jonny!  Anna!  Help!  What’s tugging at my foot?  I mean my root.  One of my roots, my left root!  What is it?

Jonny:  It’s a weed and it’s growing fast.  Hey, Anna!  Can you gently remove this weed?  It’s  sheep’s sorrel and it’s winding around Lucy’s foot!

Lucy: Anna, hurry!  It hurts!

Anna:  Let’s see now.  Lucy is an anemone.  Aha!  There she is.  Lucy, try to shake your foot free as I pull.  Gentle, now.  OK?

Lucy:  Whew.  Thanks.  That was scary.

Cleo: Oh, no!  I feel trapped too.  Or rather, something just told me that I was going to be trapped. [Puzzled.]  It was like a warning.  I smelled it!  Something strong.

Jonny: That’s Lucy, sending out chemicals to warn the other plants of danger. She almost got caught by a weed.  Plants communicate by sending out chemicals.  That way the other plants know what’s going on.  [To Anna.]  Never pass up a teaching moment.

Anna: Duly noted.

Cleo:  Yikes!  Something has caught my foot, I mean my root!  Ow, it hurts!

Anna: Here I am, Cleo.  I’ll be Sheep’s Sorrel so I can check out all the other weeds.  [To herself] Hum.  But then how do I pluck myself?  Good question.  Must consult with Nonny.  [With great effort, she pulls away from Cleo.]

Cleo:  Ow, ow, ow!  That was me you cut!

Anna:  Sorry.  It’s hard to weed yourself!  Anybody else need weeding?

Cleo [her head is just barely above ground]:  And I can see all of you!  You're all popping up! I mean, sprouting.  Hum. None of you look too good.  Sam, there’s a weed coming your way.

Anna:  Let me get it.  [Anna pulls the weed away from Sam.] 

Cleo: Anna! Sam’s wilting!  Help, Anna! And something smells strong again!  Lucy, stop it!

Lucy:  I didn’t do anything.  And I smell it, too!

Nadia:  Phew.  Lucy! 

Sam:  Jonny, Anna!  My roots have hit something. I can’t move. I push and push because I’m thirsty, too. But my roots can’t get to the water.  They were drinking a minute ago . . .

Nadia:  Dad!  Sam’s flower looks terrible!  Worst than Fireman Bill’s lettuce!

Anna: Maybe he has hit a stone . . . I hope that’s all it is.

Cleo:  Somebody help Sam! He looks terrible!

Jonny:  Can you guide Sam’s root around whatever it is, if it’s a stone?  I’m only an earthworm, you know.

Anna [searches for a place to get around the stone]:  This is no stone, Jonny, it’s a pipe!

Sam: I feel sick.

Jonny: Don’t drink any more ground water, Sam, until we figure this out.

Anna: Jonny, do you taste oil?  Do your earthworm thing and tell me if this is oil.  I’m drank some, and I don’t like this taste of this groundwater. 

Jonny:  It IS oil! It’s got to be.  We’ve hit an oil pipe!

Kids [overlapping]: An oil pipe? / Down here? / I feel sick. / I’m not drinking any of that water.

Jonny: How can there be an oil pipe here?

Anna: I don’t know but let’s get out of here.  Everybody get ready to come up. [Anna goes to the surface to help bring up the kids.]

Kids [Overlapping]: But I haven’t bloomed yet. / And Lucy’s blooming! / I’m thirsty. / Phew!  I don’t like this water! / I feel sick. / Look at Sam!  Oh, no!

Anna [back up on the surface]:  We’re in that blasted deserted field again.  [To the kids] Hang on, Sam. Up you go. One by one.

Lucy:  Thanks for getting that weed off me.  But my anemone was blooming.

Anna: You’re lucky.  You didn’t drink any of the bad water. That’s why you could bloom.

Sam:  I feel sick.

Anna: Here, have some water. Drink as much as you can.  It’s pure rainwater; I collected it this morning.

Sam:  Don’t want water.

Anna:  You’ll feel better.  You drank something unpleasant.  This water will dilute it.

[She pulls Cleo up.]

Cleo:  Can I have some water too?

Nadia [Half pulls herself up] Phew, phew, phew.  Man, am I glad to be out of there.  I’d love some water.

Anna [hands out water bottles from her sack to everyone.]  Everybody.  Drink some clean rain water.

Jonny [Comes up]: Here I come.  Everybody’s out now. Sam seems kind of sick. We’d better get him checked out. Listen, we have an environmental disaster here and Sam, you found it.  Does that make you feel better?

Sam: A little.  [He wanders off to the side and noisily throws up. Returns.]

Now I feel a lot better!

Jonny:  What you discovered is possibly an old oil tank that got buried a long time ago and forgotten about. Sam, you’re a hero!

Anna: Everyone, we have to do something about this.  Let’s think.

[Everyone sits on the ground and thinks.]

Lucy: I know!  We’ll all go underground here and push real hard altogether and shove it out of the ground.

Jonny:  That’s a good idea, Lucy, but this pipe is probably connected to a big old oil tank.  We could never move it.

Nadia:  What if we brought some fertilizer from Holly Hill and made the ground better and safer?  And with Anna’s rain water . . .

Cleo: My guess is that all the land around here is ruined.  Look at it. Look at Sam!  Nothing can grow here; I mean if we can’t grow, nothing can.   And we’re healthy.

Jonny:  I’m afraid you’re right, Cleo.

Anna:  Oh, my goodness!  I forgot to call the Michael to tell him to pick us up here!  We’ll be late again!

Jonny:  Here he comes now.  He must have figured it out.  Good ole Michael.

Michael [screeches the bus to a stop outside the fire station and jumps out. He is closely followed by all the parents in their cars.  Angry parents get out of their cars]:  Kids!  Go find your parents!  [To Jonny] What took you so long?!  It was all I could do to keep them from fighting last time over parking spots!  And now it’s worse! Get those kids moving!  They’re late for everything!

Anna: Oh, no. We spent too much time thinking about what to do! Let’s go, kids.

Jonny: Don’t worry. Calm down, everyone.  When I tell them what Sam found, that’ll distract them.  This pipe is an environmental disaster.

[Kids scramble to meet their very irritated parents.]

Alice: Lucy, you were supposed to be at dance class fifteen minutes ago!

Marie:  Sam, if you miss one more practice, just one, you’ll be off the team!!

First man:  I can’t get out because this so-and-so has boxed me in!

Second man: Yeah? And where was I supposed to park when your truck takes up two spaces!

Alice:  Please, guys!  We all have to go.

Jonny:  Parents! Parents!  I have an announcement to make that affects all of us.  Sam here . . .

Parents [Each chooses a line; they speak simultaneously]: Later, Jonny / Sorry, Jon. Catch you later. / Thanks, Anna. Gotta go. / Lucy, get in this car!  Now!

Second Man:  And you get out of my way! Now!

First Man: Oh, yeah???  [The two fathers start to fight. Michael separates them.] 

Michael:  Fellows, please.  We’re here and the kids are on their way.

Jonny:  But . . . . But . . .  . the pipe!  There’s a pipe down there!

[Kids and parents drive away in a hurry.]

[Pause]

Anna:  Well, Jonny?  Now what?

Jonny:  It’ll probably take a town meeting to get this solved.

Scene V

Two weeks later

At a town meeting

The meeting is hot and noisy; people interrupt each other

and talk over each other.  Improvise.

First Man [The same man the Second Man wanted to punch in the parking lot]:  I hope there’s not a tank down there . . . . maybe a few rusty pipes . . . but . . .

Town Manager:  We don’t have the resources to pay for a clean-up.

Jonny:  I’m just saying let’s test it first and then figure out how to pay for it.

Town Manager:  We don’t have the resources . . .

Second Man: We aren’t even sure what’s down there.  A few pipes  . . . . is getting rid of them all that important?

Maria:  My son Sam was made very sick by whatever it is that’s in that field!  He vomited for hours!

Second Man: Then the solution is simple: Don’t go underground!  Duh.

Town Manager:  As I have said, we don’t have the resources. . . Do any of you realize how much something like this costs?

Maria:  We’ll just have to find the resources!

Fireman Bill [somewhat shyly]:  I was hoping to grow lettuce in that field.

Town Manager:  What?!  You wanted to do what?!

Fireman Frank:  Jonny has sold him on the idea of using some of the firehouse lawn for growing well . . . lettuce.  Jonny says that lawns are expensive and wasteful.  Personally, I would have preferred carrots.  Bill here has a little lettuce patch growing outside the station. Doesn’t do too well, though.

Jonny:  We can talk about planting carrots . . .

Fireman Frank: . . . gives the boys something to do, you know, when there isn’t much happening.

Jonny: . . . if you’d like to meet and go over . . . I’m free Wednesday afternoon . . .

Town Manager [Impatiently]:  Can we get back to the matter at hand?  We’ve got to be practical. Where are we going to get the resources to pay for this thing?  Would someone tell me that?

Second Man: . . . that land abuts my yard, and if I’m not particularly worried about a tank, I don’t see why anyone else should.

Jonny: Those pipes are probably leaching poisons into your land, you know. . .

First Man:  My land abuts it too. My wife would like some flowers.  Come to think of it, she tried to plant flowers near the creek, but nothing much ever came up. 

Jonny:  Maybe now we know why?

Anna: And the leaking toxins are going right into the creek.

Alice:  I for one do not want my daughter exposed to anything like what made Sam so sick.

Second Man:  Well, I have to have my say and I’m going to!  You liberals think that all chemicals are out to kill us!  That’s just nonsense . . .

Michael:  Am I going to have to break up another fight?

First Man [ignores him]: Oh, yeah?  And you right wingers would let us destroy the earth just so you can make a buck . . . And furthermore, I’ve noticed your car isn’t exactly a . . .  a  . . . what-do-you-call-it?

Anna [sighs]: . . . a hybrid?

First Man: . . . yeah, that’s it.  A hybrid . . .

Second Man: And you with your gigantic gas-guzzling. . .

First Man:  I’m a farmer, for Pete’s sake!  Look what I have to haul!

Town Manager: . . . Gentlemen, please!  I propose that we adjourn and study the matter.

First Man: Organic, too!!!

Second Man:  I second the motion.

Town Manager:  Meeting adjourned!  Until further notice.

[Everyone dashes out of the meeting, leaving Jonny and Anna. They look at each other and sigh.]

Anna: Well, that’s that.

Jonny:  For now.

Scene VI

Later that night.

Anna, Jonny and Nonny and a few of the children—

Cleo, Nadia, Lucy, Sam-- are seated at a table at Nonny’s house.

Jonny:  Nonny, you have to think of something.  The town meeting was a disaster.

Nonny:  Hum, I wonder if I could make it so that adults can go underground.

Jonny:  But Anna and I go all the time.  [To Anna.]  You don’t have any trouble going underground, do you?

Anna:  Well, no, not really.  Have you?

Cleo:  Anna, Dad, Nonny said grownups.

Nadia:  You’re not quite the same thing.

Anna:  Wait a minute!  What do you mean?

Nonny:  I didn’t mention . . . well, I guess I didn’t think . . . it only works on children. . .

Jonny:  That’s all right.

Nonny:  Sorry. 

Jonny: But it’s an idea.  Is there anything different you could do?  Maybe add something to the mixture?

Anna:  Would they even agree to drink it?

Jonny: Add some whiskey, perhaps?

Sam: I know!  Let’s make it a contest.  Then those two guys who always yell at each other could slug it out. . . [pantomimes a fist fight.]

Nonny:  Hold on a minute, Sam.  [She thinks.]  Hum.  Maybe I could . . . or else add . . . or use a little less . . .

Jonny:  Everybody quiet. Let her think. And to help her, let’s all think.  [All go into thinking positions.]

[Nonny gets up and paces around the room.  She makes comments like “aha!” and “no, oh, no, no” as she thinks. Suddenly, she runs to the kitchen.]

Nonny [shouts from the kitchen]:  Back in a second, folks. Help yourself to the cookies.

Jonny:  Fingers crossed, kids.  Think she can do it?

Kids [simultaneously]:  Sure she can!

[Pause.]

Cleo:  I’ve got it!  Everybody!  Into a huddle!  [The children huddle.  Improvise sounds such as “I can . . .” or “Yes, that’ll get them” or anything else of that nature].

Anna: Looks like we are grownups after all.

Jonny: Looks like.

Nonny [shouts from the kitchen]:  Could one of you get me some mint from the garden?  It might help with the taste.

Jonny:  C’mon. Let’s go see what Nonny needs.  [Exit both]

Scene VII

The following Saturday afternoon. 

An improvised outdoor stage in the middle of

the blighted spot near the Firehouse.

[The children are standing on the stage with Cleo, Lucy, and Nadia, at the podium. They take turns using a microphone. Sam is seated behind them at a table, looking very official (over-sized eyeglasses, pencils, pads of paper, pitchers with glasses of water. He takes notes. Behind the table is a banner that reads: “The Slickest Challenge.” The townspeople are gathered around. By fluke, they have formed two separate groups. It becomes clear that one group believes the toxins should be removed and the other group doesn’t think the problem is important. (Production note: silhouettes of people out of cardboard?) The First Man and the Second Man head up the respective groups, according to their temperaments. Lots of improvised discussion, gesturing.  Anna, Jonny, and Nonny stand off to the side and watch nervously.]

Cleo [takes the microphone]:  Ladies and gentlemen. Your attention, please. Thank you for coming to our offering of “The Slickest Challenge.”  What we have for you today is better than reality TV.  Can you do it?  Do you dare try?  Our challenge today is: Can you survive a trip underground battling a gigantic, leeching oil tank?  Can you face the evil?  Can you save the environment?

Nadia [Takes the microphone]:  Or is this menace real? Are there toxins beneath our feet, under the very spot on which we stand?  [Mysteriously.]  Or are there not?  Bid for your chance to go underground and find out! 

Cleo:  Do battle with the toxins that threaten our very existence.

Anna [To Jonny and Nonny]: So this is what they’ve been up to all week!

Jonny:  They’re setting up a bidding war! I don’t believe it!

Lucy [takes the microphone]:  $50. We start the bidding at $50. Do I hear $50 for the chance of a lifetime?  [Sam importantly takes notes of the bidding.]

First Man:  $50??  I’ll bid $200 that there’s poison down there!  [One group of townspeople cheer.]

Fireman Bill:  $225??

Jonny [nervously]:  And I raise that bid to $300. [More cheering.]

Second Man:  Oh, c’mon on. Let’s get serious here. I’ll go $1000 that there’s nothing dangerous in that soil.  [Townspeople “ooh” and “aah.”]

Fireman Bill: I guess I’m out.

First Man:  $2000 says there is!

Jonny [in a cold sweat]:  I’ll go $2025.

Anna: [To Jonny]: Jonny, stop!  We haven’t got anywhere near that kind of money!

Second Man:  $5000.

First Man:  I’ll match his $5000 and we’ll both go!

[Jonny falls to the ground in a near faint. Nonny and Anna help him up] 

Lucy [at the microphone]:  If there is no more bidding, we have not one, but two winners. Going, going, gone! 

Cleo [at the microphone]:  And so, ladies and gentlemen, we have two challengers ready and eager to encounter the unknown!  Let’s give them a hand and wish them well!

Townspeople [clap, whistle, stamp their feet, excited]:  Good men! / Now we’ll find out. / What a service to our town! / They’re heroes!

Nadia:  Will the two contestants come forward please. Lucy, will you do the honor of serving these two gentlemen each a cup of the elixir?  Sam, will you kindly escort them to their places?

Nonny [To Anna and Jonny.]:  Maybe you’d better take a sip too, so you can keep an eye on them. I’m so nervous about this whole thing.

Jonny:  Sure. [He drinks and quickly spits out the concoction.]  Nonny, this is awful!

Nonny:  Oh, sorry. Wrong potion. That’s for adults only.  Oh, dear.  Here, have some of this one.  You too, Anna. They’ll need help coming back up.

Anna:  You’re sure it’s the kids’ potion? [Nonny serves Anna and Jonny the right drink.]

Cleo:  Guides and guardians Jonny and Anna, will you step forward please?  Places, everyone.  Sam will give you the signal to start planting lettuce seeds. You will feel a slight sensation of shrinking, then you will discover that a kind of casing surrounds you. It’s a seed. Let yourself slide down the hole you have dug. Stretch and move your limbs until you are out of the casing and then stretch some more.

Sam:  But be sure to eat some of the seed around you. That’s where you get your power. You’ll be Supermen!!

Cleo: Head towards the fire station. Jonny and Anna will guide you.

Fireman Frank: Could you deposit a few carrot seeds on your way down?

Sam [pause]: Gentlemen, are you ready?  Get set!  Go!  And Godspeed!

Maria [turns to Alice]: Where’d he get that word?

Alice: Whoa, smart boy!

[The townspeople cheer. The two men shake hands and start digging ferociously.  They start to shrink and then slide down into the holes. Jonny and Anna follow.]

Lucy: They’re off!

[Total silence from the audience.  Nonny nervously peers into the holes. She is the only one who can see down below; she reacts to every sound. (Production note:  Her reactions are how we know what’s going on below.) Grunts and groans come from underground. Tension. Sounds of battle. Nonny is nearly a wreck by now. Alice and Maria hold onto her so she doesn’t fall to the ground.]

Anna [finally appears, exhausted, and comes up from the hole]: I think they’re ready to come up now.  [Shouts down the hole.]  Jonny, push them up. Now! Hurry!  Enough’s enough!

 [Anna helps the two men up out of the ground.  They barely crawl out, both looking green and sick. Jonny follows. Nonny falls to the ground.]

First Man [moans]:  I . . . I think . . . [He moves off to the side and vomits]

Second Man [even sicker]:  He’s right.  [He moves off to the side and vomits. The two men return and face each other.]  Are you all right?

First Man: Thanks. I feel better now. That was rough.

Second Man:  I’ve never seen anything like it.

First Man:  If you hadn’t led the way, we never would have found the tank.

Second Man:  And if you hadn’t helped me, I wouldn’t have gotten out alive.  You saved my life.

First and Second Man [Shake hands, say to each other.]:  Thank you. [They turn to the townspeople. Simultaneously]:  That thing has got to go!! 

[Children do high fives.  Jonny, Anna, and Nonny embrace each other, with Jonny and Anna supporting Nonny, who is still in a state of nervous exhaustion.  The townspeople cheer.]

Second Man:  I’ll be back in a minute.  [Runs off to the side and vomits again. The First Man grabs a bottle of water from the table, follows, and helps him.]

Scene VII

Epilogue

Each character steps forward and addresses the audience.

Jonny: And so the tank and pipes are gone.  Their donations helped us get a grant from the state. We have gotten rid of the problem.

Fireman Bill:  And I got my garden!  My lettuce is thriving!

Fireman Frank:  And I got carrots!

Sam:  And best of all, we made a play!  Your tickets and donations go to the Frank White Education Fund at the Holly Hill Farm.

Entire cast simultaneously:  Thank you for coming. Give us your hands, please, if you we have pleased.

OR Just this:

Cast: Thank you for coming to our play. We hope you enjoyed it. [They applaud the audience.]

Fini.